"Jealousy typically referst to the thoughts, feelings and behaviours that occur when a person believes a valued relationship is being threatened by a rival. This rival may have no knowledge of threatening the relationship."

A better awareness of this destructive feeling will help us understand our reactions. It will allow us to find serenity in our relationship, even though our partner might do things that make us suspicious from time to time. In fact, jealousy has little to do with true love. Jealousy is a fear-based emotion. According to Jerry Jampolsky, author of "Love is Letting Go of Fear", the opposite of love is not hatred, it's fear. Jealousy comes from desire and possessiveness. Jealousy is a desire to own a person and to control him or her. At the same time, it is a fear to lose this person. The rival is threatening to us, because he or she threatens our ego. Our ego wants to be in control. It wants to feel superior, but if the rival wins, then he becomes "better", and we lose our face. Therefore, we have to take revenge. So with jealousy, obsessive thinking takes hold of us. We become totally engrossed in our feelings, going over and over the situation in our minds. We may even lose our sanity and behave irrationally, like searching our partner's clothes or following him or her secretly. Jealousy is a desire to own this person and to control him or her. It's also a fear of losing that person. The rival is threatening to us, because he threatens our ego. Our ego always wants to feel superior, but if the rival "wins", then he becomes "better". Therefore, we have to take revenge. So with jealousy arises the urge to get even, and to figure out how to harm the other person or the rival for what they've done to us.

Being loving is being forgiving. We need to forgive ourselves first for having judged someone. We need to forgive ourselves for being jealous. Letting go is often difficult, but it becomes easier if we understand that loving someone is respecting their freedom. If they decide to be unfaithful, nothing we do will stop them from going ahead with it. Of course, whether we want to continue the relationship afterwards is a different matter. After all, we're not here to accept unacceptable behaviour.

Jealousy has nothing to do with what the other person says or does. It only has to do with ourselves. When we feel that we're not lovable, then we fear losing our partner's love. Jealousy reflects our own insecurity. It's a self-esteem issue. When our self-esteem is low, we tend to get jealous very easily. To trust others, we need to trust ourselves first, no matter what. We need to be at peace with who we are. This feeling of inner security will help us deal with anything that comes along.

As I let go of my fear of losing, and my desire to possess, I experience less and less jealous feelings. In the end, I will always be there for myself. Relationships with other people come and go, but the love of myself will last forever.